Friday, 10 June 2011

But it's Really Cheap and the Food is Alright

Time and again I go to Akbar's and walk away pissed off.  Thus, it is with some trepidation that I return this evening, unable to convince my other half (I refrain, on this occasion, from calling her my better half) it would be better to go someplace else where they don't treat you like cattle at feeding hour.
"But it's really cheap and the food is alright," she insists.
"But they treat you like shit!"
"But it's really cheap and the food is alright," she repeats.
"But they only care about your money; quick in; quick out; food dumped on table!"
"But it's really cheap and the food is alright."
Heads banging against brick walls.
The trouble is, as I write this, I know I will have to go.  I know I will have to hold one of those ridiculous beeper things in my pocket before it finally vibrates and I walk, like an idiot, up the ramp to my table.  And then I suffer, like a pleb, the discourteous waiters.  And then I agree, like a dick wad (80s revival moment), to purchase naan bread that could feed 5,000.
And it's so loud; and it's so dark; and it's full of people having birthday parties; and every one of them thinks it necessary to sing that dreadful Hill sister's song.
And all the time, whilst I experience these thoughts of hatred, I hear the sensible voice of my better half explaining, "but it's really cheap and the food is alright."
On Monday I shall write about my experience.  You'll be able to read about it.  Rest assured, I will be taking very detailed notes.  Be warned Akbar's!  I'm coming.  You better be on your best behaviour.

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